ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i will never coherently bang her
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
