I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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