all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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