hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
