If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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