There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
