to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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