nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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