I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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