I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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