you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
