nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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