I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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