i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
