Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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