Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
