Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
