found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
