I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
he shaved USA in his pubs
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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