My first STD was from a foam party
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
