You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
