can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
