there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
