I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
