I wish life had little blips of pornography
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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