I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
