obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
