the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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