Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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