party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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