Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
