he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
