What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
