Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
