it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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