His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
