i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
