I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
