There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
