oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
