Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
