is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
