So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
