I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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