I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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