what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
