So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
