yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
two words: eviction party
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
