Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
