Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
